Not so sure
by Eliza S
Summary: ·Lit· Future fic. Rory is marring to Logan, but Jess comes back and hesitation comes along. [Complete]
1. Middle of Nowhere

Four months, four_ long_ months and she was already desperate, she couldn't breathe or think; she was going crazy.

Since Logan had proposed she can't sleep at all, she can't focus in anything. She stays all day in bed, reads, watch TV, but she immediately start to think about _him. _But the weekends…oh the weekends are all the life that she has left, even if she has to pretend, wear an expensive and fancy dress, put a fake smile and "make" some dinner for Logan's regular visit, obviously dinner is always Chinese or pizza.

She is supposed to be calm and serene, but lately she's just a mess. Not even her mom, Lorelai Danes, had been so wrecked before her wedding, and even if she had four more months ahead of her, she was already nervous. But no, she's not sad about this, in fact she is glad that Logan had the guts to propose after 4 years, but she can't handle the pressure of this wedding.

She has been living in a new apartment in Hartford that Logan had bought for her after she graduated from Yale. And now He's always reminding her that it's _their_ new apartment

She remembered that…it was a disaster, she drop out for a year and she couldn't stand it, living with her grandparents was too much for her. Her mother was right; they had tried to control her life and they were always telling her what to do, she got tired and she went back to Yale and graduated. The same summer, she decided to talk to her mom, it was time for them to put an end to the fight.

_Flashback_

"WELCOME TO STARS HOLLOW"

_She read. It made her feel dizzy and confuse. She hadn't talked to her mom since she said to her (screamed, actually) to "stay the hell way". But now she had graduated from Yale and she just wanted to talk to her mom and best friend, tell her how lonely she had been without her. It was too much for her, a whole year without talking to her mom had been so difficult, Lorelai was the only person who always understood her, even when she made some mistakes in her life, she needed to finish this stupid fight._

_She drove slowly to her house, and park in front of it, she was nervous, she didn't know what to expect from this, but she was ready to take her chances._

_She knocked the door, and waited._

"_Coming!" – She heard from the inside_

"_Hi mom"_

"_Hi, Rory…umm, what are you doing here?"- Lorelai asked, surprised _

"_I...I..." - she breathed, she didn't know from where to start – "I graduated from Yale...I just wanted you to know …- she said in almost a whisper, looking into the ground_

"_Oh my…that's great kid - she smiled - "congratulations…..so…do you want to come in?_

_They talked all night, Rory explained Lorelai why she had decided to go back to Yale, and that Logan had bought her an apartment in Hartford, so she could move out of her grandparent's pool house. Lorelai was so happy for her and told her that she probably would get married that summer. _

"_So...are we ok?"- Rory asked_

"_Yep, we're ok"- and Lorelai smiled_

_End flashback_

She smiled, her mom was everything for her, and that night her life had came back to normal, and she was happy again.

She jump out of bed, and went to the bathroom, she really needed to get out of the apartment, she needed to walk or something.

So she took a shower and got dressed. When she was about to leave she saw her answering machine, she had a new message.

"_I'm not home, so leave a message I'll call you back" - beep_

"_Hi precious daughter of mine, I'm just calling to know if you are coming this weekend or not, I need to know, ok, so please call me…oh, and how I know if you're really busy and you're not just avoiding me, huh?- _

She though of calling Lorelai back later, but she had no rush, she could hang out later.

_-"Hi mom" _

_-"Hi! So what's up? - _Lorelai asked

_-"Not much. You're happier than usual, did something happened?"_

_-"can't I just be happy?"_

_-"oh…so you did something dirty, I don't want to know"_

_-"oh, no you don't. Well I called you because...um.. I want to know if you're coming this weekend or not - _Lorelai's voice change a little, she sounded more nervous and worried.

_-"yeah, I think I am. I just don't want to hang out here alone all weekend"_

_-"Oh…ok then, so...you're coming, good"- _there was an awkward pause and Lorelai said -_"so Logan comes back from Europe next week?"_

_-"Yep, he just wanted to make everything perfect for the wedding so is a short trip, I'm getting really anxious" – _Rory felt that something was wrong with her mom, she didn't sound as usual _- "Mom, are you ok? you sound nervous"_

_-"it's just that…- _Lorelai breathed and said_ – "Jess is back"_

A/N: yes, you can say it sucks, but please leave a review.


	2. A place called home

2. A place called home

Disclaimer: I do not own a thing, but probably there will be a new character in the story, and that's all I own. I forget about this in the first chapter so here it is.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I really appreciated, so please keep them coming! Ok, I notice that i had some grammar mistakes in the last chapter, so I'm really sorry, I'm going to be more careful this time.

Sanfrangiantsfan: what functions? Please let me know…

So here's the new chapter, Enjoy!

She woke up Friday morning with a headache, horrible headache. It was just like a hang over.

_-"It must be the wine" _– she thought

Last night she had drunk some wine, she couldn't remember how much, but when you need to forget about certain events of the previous day, there's no need to keep a count.

Her talk with Lorelai had been awkward after she mentioned Jess, but she needed to act as normal as she could, after all she was getting married,_ married_…in four months.

Just the thought of it makes her dizzy, she wants to throw up, well maybe the wine has something to do with it, but the social pressure that this wedding has on them, Logan and herself, makes her feel tired, and sometimes she just wants to escape from all of it

She wanted to get to Stars Hollow as soon as possible, she wanted to be with her mom, to enjoy her weekend, Jess being there was just bad luck (right?...) and she couldn't let it to get in her way, she needed to relax.

But when she thinks about _him_ it makes her feel dizzy, happy, confuse, angry, all at once. Maybe she can't get over the last encounter with him, the last time she saw him, at her mom's wedding.

_Flashback_

_It was a weird day for the Gilmore girls, they had never expected to be so lucky, they were happy with everything in their life, Rory had Logan, her perfect boyfriend, and Lorelai had Luke, and in just 2 more hours, her husband, and the thought of it made her feel complete. She always wanted the whole package and now she had it._

_They were getting ready to the ceremony, when Lorelai said to Rory…_

_-"Um...you know..."- Lorelai pause to look at her daughter – "Jess is coming..."_

_-"Yes, I did know, but you said that Luke wasn't so sure"_

_-"Yep, I did say that, but he is here…"- Lorelai wasn't really sure if Rory was over him, and she didn't want to pressure her – "He came to town yesterday when you were still in Hartford, Luke told me" _

_-"oh…he…um…he is ok?"_

_-"Yes, he's fine"- she look Rory in the eye - "I never know where we stand on the Jessometer"_

_-"I'm ok mom, you know I'm over it. I'm a grown up"- sounding like she need to convince herself - "And, I have a perfect boyfriend, who I love"_

_-"ok… just checking"_

_Rory successfully avoided his eyes during the ceremony, she thought that if his eyes found hers, she would become a teenager again, back to the past. _

_She felt his gaze, but refuse to look at him, she was already nervous for her mom and Luke. But he was staring at her, she could feel it, and that made her uncomfortable._

_After the wedding, she was with Logan when he approached them to speak for the first time in two years._

_-"Hi, Rory" - he said with his typical smirk -"You look nice" _

_-"Thanks" – she smiled and blushed slightly_

_An awkward pause invaded them_

_-"So, you're not going to present me your boyfriend?"- _

_-"Yeah…sorry"- Rory felt very dizzy, Logan and Jess, together – "Jess this is Logan, Logan this is…Jess"_

_-"Hi, Logan Huntzberger, it's nice to meet you"_

_-"Same here"- Jess looked at Rory…-"So, I guess I'll see you around"_

_-"I guess you will"-Rory smiled nervously_

_-"Wow…what a creepy guy"- Logan said_

_-"Yeah…I guess"- Rory was looking at Jess while he walked away_

_-"So, what's going on with you two, I mean there was some tension here"_

_-"Tension? What tension? I didn't feel a thing"- Rory's attention was back to Logan and she started rambling– "He was just a friend, you know, an old friend, from...um here, Stars Hollow, I never talked to you about him?_

_-"Nope, never"_

_Rory felt uncomfortable, she wanted to leave as soon as possible, but she needed to stay for her mom, she couldn't just leave Lorelai's wedding reception._

_She really needed to calm down, she was over him, right? Nothing to worry about, tomorrow morning she would go home, and soon everything would be forgotten._

_End flashback_

It was nothing, it was just a weekend in Stars Hollow with her mom… and Jess around…who was she kidding? She was nervous, now there was no Logan to stand by her side, to protect her or control her actions. She had so many mixed feelings about this; she needed to put herself together, so she started to pack her clothes.

After a while she was ready to go, so she went to her car and uploaded her things, and went back to her apartment to grab a coffee to-go when the phone rang.

She didn't want anything to interrupt her weekend so she decided to let it ring. the sound of her voice in the answering machine invaded the room.

-_"I'm not home, so leave a message I'll call you back, and I swear I'm not avoiding you"_

_Beep!_

_-"Hi Ace"- _Logan's voice sounded in the apartment _- "I guess you're out, so…everything's ok here and I'll be back next week…_ _sorry I couldn't find an earlier flight…- _Rory felt guilty and didn't know why, if she wasn't doing anything wrong, why the feeling in her guts? – _"ok have fun, and call me back"_

Rory erased the message and leave. She would call her mom to let her know that she would be staying in Stars Hollow _all_ week.

-"Hello, Lorelai Danes here!" – Her mother answered

-"Hi mom"

-"Rory…hi"- Lorelai said in a lower voice

-"um…are you busy or something?"

-"no, not at all…so what's up?

-"I wanted to ask you if it's ok if I stay all week, Logan isn't coming back this week he couldn't get a flight"

-"Yeah, sure thing…you can stay...- Lorelai said in almost a whisper – "in your old room…well you know…so when are you coming?

-"Um…today, I'm on my way home"- Rory was concern about her mom – "hey where are you? You sound a little suspicious"

-"well, do you remember Jess?"

-"of course I do mom, how couldn't I?

-"ok, I don't know how this might affect you, but when I told you that he was back…"- Lorelai was rambling-"I kind of… keep information, nothing too important…I guess…"

-"mom, stop rambling. C'mon tell me, what's going on?

-"well, he...didn't come alone"

A/N: ok, I really need to know what everyone think of this chapter, personally I think that this it is better than the first one, so please R&R, is common courtesy  
if there's any grammar mistake, please let me know!


	3. State of Emergency

3. State of emergency

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

**A/N**: first of all, **thanks to everyone who reviewed** last chapter, I didn't have any expectations for this story, but I'm happy so far.

**sanfrangiantsfan**: who knows, maybe she won't get married, I haven't finish the story yet so I can't assure you that she will or won't become a "trophy wife", or something like that.

She cares, but she is in denial, because of course her _situation_ doesn't allow her to desire him…how long does she have to pretend? Is she turning into a fake?...she is scared, and she doesn't know how to deal with it, mixed feelings. She is not supposed to care about _him_ now, but unconsciously all she wants it's see him, talk to him, touch him, feel him…

She used to think about him as the cold hearted boy who fell in love with her, but now, she is not the only one in his life, maybe deep inside of her, jealousy was taking control. She's supposed to be happy for him, after all he found someone new, moved on. And to tell the truth, she felt threatened, she felt like he had replaced her.

She woke up Saturday morning with the same headache that had attacked her after her mom told her about Jess, but this time there was no wine involved.

She decided to take a bath and go to Doose's to get aspirins. She didn't think that maybe _she_ could be around, so she walked slowly to Doose's because she was concerned about her headache, because it was getting worse and it was blurring her view. She walked into the store and went straight to the "medicine" isle, she got the aspirins, and she went to get a bottle of water, when she was about to leave, she bumped into someone.

_Her_, nobody else, but _her_…

_Flashback _

_Rory arrived at her childhood home, and she notice that her mom wasn't there, so she assumed that Lorelai was with Luke and they would come to their home later, probably after the diner closed_

_So she proceeded to unpack her clothes in her old room, when she felt the door opening._

_-"Rory?" – Lorelai asked from the entrance – "Hun, are you home?"_

_-"In here"_

_She heard Lorelai and Luke walking into the kitchen and both greeted her, Luke was a little tense, but Lorelai was trying to be normal._

_-"Hi, so…been here too long?"_

_-"No, just got here, why?"_

_-"um…no reason" – Lorelai was acting suspicious again – "so…do you want to eat or something?"_

_-"no, I'm fine mom, thanks"_

_-"ok…well…um…can I talk to you for a sec?"_

_-"yeah sure"_

_Luke told Lorelai that he was going to bed, he needed to get up early in the morning, so he went upstairs and leaved the girls alone._

_-"So…"- Lorelai started_

_-"mom if you're going to talk to me about the jessometer or anything related with Jess, just do it"_

_-"ok…just I don't want to pressure you, you know it's only cause I care about you"_

_-"yes, I know, but mom I have Logan, and this Jess thing, can't affect me, I won't allow to affect me"_

_-"Fine, if you're sure…" – Lorelai looked at Rory with the shoe sale face on – "so, now that we cleared that out, gossip?"_

_-"oh, I'm hooked up, tell me, tell me"_

_-"how can you be hook up if I haven't said a word?"_

_-"cause you're looking at me with your shoe sale face on"_

_-"good point…so…I, know everything about…her, so do you want to know?"- Lorelai said really excited._

"…_oh, ok…I guess"- Rory put on a fake smile and listened to her mom talk for about a half hour._

_End flashback_

She murmured a "sorry", paid for her aspirins and left the market, as fast as she could.

After all her mother was right when she described her as _"the pretty dark-haired girl"_, she had dark hair, and she was pretty…"not prettier than me", she thought, but obviously she regretted it instantly; "I can't be so mean, I don't even know her, what's wrong with me?" she went back to her house, and took _"How to breath underwater" _and went to the bridge, maybe it was a little cliché, but she knew that no one would bother her there. She took the opportunity to take the aspirins, the headache was getting worse and worse.

After a while reading, she notice that she couldn't focus, that she wasn't actually reading, she was thinking, over and over about her…and him, it always goes back to him.

She remembered the previous night; Lorelai had told her a few things about _Marissa,_ after all she didn't know _everything_ about this girl. But she still could hear her mom's voice inside her head telling her about Jess's girlfriend…

"_Well, she is 2 years younger than Jess…um…she studied Literature in UCLA, but she's working in a record store in New York…oh, did I mention that she met Jess in California and moved in with him to New York after he had a huge fight with his dad?"_

What took Rory by surprise was that they were living together, it didn't even cross her mind that Jess was so serious about this relationship

Suddenly her cell phone started to ring…

-"hello"

-"Hi, offspring!"

-"Hi mom, what's up?

-"I'm just calling to check up on you, and to tell you that I can't get out of the inn till 9, so you're on your own…sorry"

-"it's ok, I'm fine"

-"oh, ok…so where are you? I called home and you weren't there…"

-"I'm on the bridge, just reading…remember that I came here to relax, to get away from everything"

-"yes, I remember…ok then, I'll see you later"

-"ok, mom, see ya"

Rory didn't want to go back to her house yet, she needed more than be surrounded by four walls all day long, she decided to go somewhere to eat, of course Luke's wasn't an option.

"Deal with Jess in this moment isn't an option"-Rory thought, and went to Weston's.

She sat in a small table by the window, and order coffee and strawberry pie, she relaxed and started to read again.

Twenty minutes and 2 pieces of pie later, she heard someone asking for an apple pie to go, she interrupted her reading to look up, and once again her bad luck resurfaced.

This time she took a closer look to her, she wanted to know if she was "_Jess's type_", but after all this time, she couldn't tell exactly what kind of girl Jess would like. She saw her, and jealousy took control…her eyes were green, she had dark straight hair, she had pale skin, she looked pretty, and even…nice.

Marissa leaved Weston's, crossed the street and went into Luke's, Rory paid her bill, and leaved Weston's, she was crossing the street…she needed to look at him…she was ready, she needed to face him, no, she needed to see him. Rory could bet that he was in Luke's right now, so what better time than now? Plus she had an excuse; she would say that her mom had told her to meet her at Luke's, the perfect alibi.

She took a deep breath, armed of bravery and walked towards Luke's…

A/N: I finish! Finally I finish this chapter, sorry it took me so long, but here it is, I hope everyone liked it, and if you didn't just tell me, but please review, common courtesy, right, and if I had grammar mistakes, just tell me… I also want to explain that I'm not sure if you can buy aspirins at Doose's, but this is a fan fiction, so I don't want complains about that please ;)


	4. An Honest Mistake

4. An Honest Mistake

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, but for now I own Marissa…

A/N: I'm so sorry! In the last chapter I didn't check the grammar…so I'm truly sorry if you found grammar mistakes or words that didn't fit in the context.

Thanks for the last chapter reviews, they really made my day!  
**KarahBella; **thanks so much for reviewing every chapter of my story, I'm glad you like it.  
**Friendsqueen216; **I really appreciate your reviews in all my chapters, and I hope you like this chapter  
**Dodgers lady**thanks for the review, and I'm so sorry! It took me a while to update, I had some studying to do…boring, huh?  
**Sanfrangiantsfan; **thanks for your reviews! And please keep them coming ;)

She was about to turn the knob, her heart was beating faster than usually, faster and faster, her breathing was speeding up, she was opening the door when…

-"Rory?"

She heard someone calling her from the gazebo and freaked out and turned around

-"oh…hi, um…hi"

Lorelai was walking towards Luke's when she saw Rory standing there, she couldn't believe it, was she really going to facing him?

-"hi…it's just me or you were going in there?"

-"yeah, I…I …- Rory started to ramble –"I thought that you…you said that we could meet here…to eat…"

-"I did?"- Lorelai asked surprised –"I'm not forgetting things…right? I mean…if I had Alzheimer I would know, right?

-"I…I think you said something…about meeting me here…didn't you?...oh, well then we can just…go home"- and Rory started to walk away when Lorelai stopped her

-"Hey…are you ok?"

-"yep, I'm fine, perfect……hey you said you couldn't get out of the inn till 9, and… - Rory said looking at her watch - …it's only 7"

-"yeah, I know, but I just came here to get a decent cup of coffee, we run out of coffee at the inn…so…"

-"oh" – there was a long and awkward pause, they were just standing there outside of Luke's –"I…I should go home, and eat something there…"

-"Rory…did you came here to see Jess?"

-"Mom…c'mon…I came here because I'm starving and I'm craving for some coffee"

-"Be honest with me"- Lorelai looked at Rory death serious

-"I don't want to talk about it…ok? I don't need your advises!"- Rory snapped

-"Hey! I'm just trying to help you Rory, I care about you, and that's all, if you want to see him, go ahead, I'm not stopping you"

-"how many times I have to say I'm a grown up!"- Rory breathed – "I can take care of myself!"

-"until you prove it right, you're obviously not a grown up if you're not telling me what's really going on here – Lorelai was really concerned about her daughter –"but if you say that you can take care of yourself…fine……I will butt out"

-"Fine!"

-"FINE!"

Rory started to walk away, she was walking with no definitive direction, but she ended up in the bridge again and sat down, she tried to calm down, she _needed_ to calm down. It was enough with all the stress and pressure of her wedding, she was exhausted, she wasn't sleeping or eating properly, and this was more than what she could take.

After the fight with Lorelai, she was angrier with Jess and his _stupid_ girlfriend for coming to Stars Hollow. If he hadn't come back, everything would be just fine.

She was trying so hard not to think about him because she just _shouldn't_; Logan was there in her mind constantly reminding her that she wasn't allowed to think about other guys, specially this one, the same guy who broke her heart almost 7 years ago.

She felt guilty about this, but what was she supposed to do? She couldn't control her feelings; she could hide the fact that she wasn't over Jess from everyone, but not from herself, she could say she wasn't jealous of Marissa but she couldn't convince herself of it. Everything was so frustrating for her, she just wanted to forget, to move on, so she decided to talk to Jess, clear the air between them.

After a while, she stood up, and started to walk towards Luke's again, but this time she made it to the door. With shaky hands she turned the knob and opened the door, immediately the bell rang announcing her entrance. In a matter of seconds Jess emerged from the curtain – "we are about to…- he seemed shocked when he noticed Rory -"close"

-"oh…I…I just wanted some coffee"- Rory said

-"Um…sit"- he said emotionless

She sat at the counter and waited silently while Jess was making the coffee, she opened her mouth to talk but she had no idea what to say, so she preferred to stay quiet. "_No, no, no…I have to do it now…it's now or never_" she thought, Rory was about to talk when Marissa emerged from the stairway.

-"ok, I have all packed, I better get going"

-"ok…I'll walk you to the car"

-"As you wish"- Marissa smiled at Jess and then notice that there was someone in there –"oh, hi, I'm…hey I've seen you before"

-"oh…I…I…"

-"Marissa this is Rory, Lorelai's daughter"- Jess said – "Rory this is Marissa, my girlfriend"

-"oh!...Lorelai told me about you, you've a really cool mom"

-"yeah, lucky me"- Rory said with a harsh tone

-"but I'm sure I've seen you somewhere else…just can't remember where"- Marissa looked at Rory intently –"I KNOW!...you're the girl from Doose's"

-"yea…I'm sorry about that…"- she said ashamed of her earlier behavior

Jess poured coffee for Rory but he avoided her eyes.

-"so you're ready to go?"- He said to Marissa

-"yes, right now! I want to get there as earlier as I can"- Marissa said with a smile

-"Ok then, let's go"- Jess started to push Marissa out of the diner and she looked at him with a - _what the hell? -_ face

-"o..K…bye Rory, say to your mom I'll see her next weekend"

-"will do"

Jess and Marissa exited the diner and left Rory alone, this girl was creating a mix between curiosity and jealousy inside Rory.

She looked at them through the window; they walked to Jess's car that was parked in front of Luke's. Marissa was smiling and saying something to Jess, he was just standing there, and then she kissed him good-bye. Rory felt like she was spying and seeing them together made her sick, so she turned around and started to drink her coffee.

The first impression of Marissa had changed now, she was a really nice and cheerful person, and maybe, she was right for Jess…and that hurt Rory, made her feel envy, jealous…

The bell above the door rang, announcing Jess's reentrance to the diner, she knew that it was time for them to talk.

He walked behind the counter and served more coffee to Rory, this time he looked at her with his brown eyes, she felt like vanishing.

-"Rory…why are you here?"- He said softly

-"I…I came here for coffee…"- She said in a tiny voice

-"I thought you would avoid me"

-"why? There's no reason for that…me? avoiding you?"

-"oh…ok, then…you want something else, something to eat?"

-"No…I'm fine…"- Rory wanted to ask him so many things but she didn't know where to start –"so…Marissa is…um… your girlfriend?"

-"yeah…I met her back in California, we were friends in college"

-"oh…you went to college?

-"yes…nobody told you? I thought Lorelai would, she knew since the wedding"

-"no…it's just that…she didn't tell me too much about you...she thought that it wasn't right…you know my boyfriend was there…"

-"Yeah…I know"- Jess didn't know what to say either –"and…how you been? You seem a little tired"

-"I'm fine…just…fine"- she was wondering if he knew about her wedding…–"and you?"

Jess smiled, and Rory noticed that for the first time Jess was smiling…that only meant something…he was _happy._

-"I'm really good, actually, well, I graduated from high school, studied Literature, and I met Marissa…after sometime I moved out of my dad's house and went back to New York"

-"That's great"- Rory said forcing a smile

They stayed quiet for some minutes, and when she opened her mouth to talk

Jess interrupted her

-"I don't want to talk about what happened between us…ok?"

-"I wasn't …"- she trailed off

-"Ok, good, because it was just a mistake…and you know that…_everything_ was a mistake…"- he said running his finger through her hair –"I shouldn't have done that…you know, ask you to leave Yale, run away with me and everything..."

-"oh…it's ok…I dropped out anyways……I just wanted to, I don't know…clear the air, I guess"- she said a little disappointed, he regretted? _Everything?_

-"oh…Luke told me about it…but you finished after all, right?"

-"yeah…I did…just to move out of my grandparent's house…"

Rory stared at her coffee, she couldn't look at him, it was too much for her.

– "so tell me about you…what's going on with that guy…um…Rogan?" – Jess asked

-"Logan…um…we're" – Rory said in almost a whisper –"engaged"

-"oh…congratulations"

-"Thanks"- she looked him in the eyes, and she felt butterflies in her stomach and she felt like blushing.

Jess went around the counter and hugged her –"I hope that you be happy"

Rory didn't say a word, she just enjoyed his embrace, his smell made her remember so many beautiful things, the time when they were together and she felt like crying…she couldn't deny it any more…she was feeling something for Jess.

Then he kissed her cheek and smile, he was staring at her, they were so close that they could feel each other breathing, Rory was nervous, anxious, everything that she had felt for the past days, got lumped together, she wanted so badly to kiss him, and she couldn't control herself, she was losing control of her actions, she was breathing faster…and she just couldn't take it any more…she had to do something.

She leaned to his lips.

A/N: finally, a new chapter...I hope everyone liked this, I put a lot of time into this, Jess might be a little OOC, but I'm working on that.

Please review! You read it, you review it, ok? And once again, please any grammar mistakes just let me know.


	5. Friday, I’m in love

5. Friday, I'm in Love

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not Gilmore girls, not the titles of the chapters, not characters…but I own Marissa!...cool huh?

A/N: thanks so much for the reviews! Ok, OOC means out of character and, yes, Jess was with Marissa when he asked Rory to run away with him, but I'll explain why, it's a really stupid reason because I couldn't come up with a better one. I'm so sorry about my grammar and spelling, English is not my native language so is not easy for me, but I'm trying to improve that.

--------------------

Rory entered the Gilmore-Danes residence (as Lorelai always says) looking for her mom, they weren't on good terms, and she needed to talk to her.

"Mom?" – She called from the entrance, but got no answer – "mom…are you here?"

"Rory…" – Lorelai was walking from the kitchen to the living room

"I'm sorry I… snapped at you…"- Rory said staring at her shoes, Lorelai notice something strange with her daughter but for their earlier fight, she decided not mention anything.

"It's ok Rory…I think you're under too much stress…hey come here" - they walked to the living room and sat in the couch –"what happened?"

"Nothing…is just that…Marissa…"

"What about her?"

"I don't know…she…I saw her at Weston's and I…decided to talk to him…I think it wasn't such a great idea…"

"Ror, I don't think is good for you to see Jess, with the wedding and everything that you're going through"

"I know…but..."

"It's ok…I can't decide for you, so if you want to see him, I can't and I won't stop you…so…are we ok?"

"Yes…we are"

"I don't like fighting with you" – Lorelai said and smiled

"me neither"

"Rory…Hun…I have Luke waiting upstairs…so…you should go to bed…so, good night!"- she said rushing upstairs

"Night mom" – Rory went to her bedroom, and put in a comfortable pajama, she tried to sleep but as always, it was useless, she was thinking about her encounter with Jess…"I'm so stupid" she thought.

Flashback

…_she was losing control of her actions, she was breathing faster…and she just couldn't take it any more…she had to do something._

_She leaned to his lips……but something inside her head stopped her, and she froze. Maybe it was Logan's voice inside her head telling her a sincere 'I love you' over and over again_

_He had an emotionless face and all he said was "You should go home" with a soft voice._

"_Yeah…sorry…I…I…"_

"_Rory…just, go"_

"_Yeah…ok…I guess…I'll see you tomorrow…bye"- and she left the diner._

_She was so embarrassed, she walked straight home and all the time staring at her shoes. She couldn't figure out why she was acting like that, she wasn't thinking and that wasn't normal._

_She stood for 20 minutes outside of her house before she entered, she was sure that Lorelai would be capable of see right through her, she would notice that she was doubting, mostly doubting of getting married, she was lost._

End Flashback

She turned to the other side of the bed and tried to fall asleep, after she closed her eyes, she felt like she had no sleep at all and woke up, the night events filled her head again, she got up and walked to the kitchen to get some coffee when Lorelai entered into the kitchen.

"Good morning, sunshine!"

"Good morning, so you had coffee…huh?"

"Course...do you think I would be this cheer up?"

"Obviously not…so where's Luke?

"Hun…it's noon, he's at the diner, you know, where he works…"

"Noon?...I thought it was like…8"

"No, you slept a lot"

"I didn't even notice…I better get dressed and everything, I have to call Logan"

"Yeah, sure go"

After a long shower, Rory got dressed and she felt hungry

"Mom…mom?"

Lorelai enter to the kitchen from the back door – "yeah?"

"I need food…can we go to Luke's?"

"Do you need to ask? – she said with a questioning look - Let's go"

At Luke's

"Lucas! Coffee!" Lorelai and Rory entered the diner and sat at the counter, Luke appeared from the kitchen.

"Don't call me Lucas or for you…there's only decaf"

"Oh…you're so mean" she leaned to him and kiss him briefly "and now?"

"Fine"

"Goodie...ok, I want a cheeseburger with fries and onion rings"

"Ok, Rory…what do you want?" Luke asked, but Rory was staring to the stairs "Rory…Rory!"

"Sorry…I just…didn't sleep well…I want…um…just coffee"

"But Rory…you said you were starving…" – Lorelai said amused

"Did I? Oh…well…now I'm not"- she said and smiled weakly

"Ok" Luke went into the kitchen and continued to serve the food to the other costumers, while Lorelai and Rory talked.

Suddenly Rory's cell phone started to ring and Luke pointed the sign, so she went outside to talk

"Hello"

"Hi, Ace"

"Logan…hi…I was going to call you later…"

"Don't worry, just wanted to check on you, because last time I left a message at the apartment's phone you didn't call me back"

"Oh…is just that…I'm in Stars Hollow"

"That's great, say hello to your mom"

"I will…so when are you coming back?"

"Um…I think a week from Sunday, so you can stay 2 weeks there"

"Oh…are you sure everything is ok?

"Sure…what do you mean?"

"Um…nothing…I thought that you would be back sooner…"

"Oh…well there's a lot to prepare, you don't want out wedding to be a disaster, right?"

"No, of course not"

Ok, I have to go…so, I'll see you in…2 weeks?"

"It sounds a lot…I miss you"

"I miss you too…"

"Ok then…2 painful weeks…"

"You'll be fine…ok, Love you…bye"

"I…love you too, bye" she stood there for a few minutes and stared at her cell phone, but something got her attention

"I didn't know that cell phones could be that interesting"

"Oh…they're not …I just…I was talking to Logan"

"Huh, miss him?"

"Yeah…a lot"

"So…are you going into the diner or going to stay here for ever?"

"Sorry…I mean…about last night…"

"Oh…that…"

"Yeah…_that_" – she said a little ashamed of herself

"Do…do you want to talk later? I mean…it would be good to catch up" Jess asked with a little of insecurity.

"Um…yeah that would be great" She smiled; maybe this is what she needed, closure.

They walked inside the diner, quietly and she sat at the counter again next to her mom, and he went upstairs.

"Who called you?"

"Logan…he said that I could stay here for another week more, cause he's coming back a week from Sunday"

"Wow…that's a lot of time"

"Yes…I said the same"

"Ok, I have to go to the inn, so I'll see you later? Maybe we can make a movie night?"

"Yeah…ok"

Lorelai went to the inn concern that Rory wasn't acting normal; this Jess thing was a huge deal for Rory, after all he broke her heart, and she did love him even if she never verbalized it, she just knew

Meanwhile Rory was at the diner anxiously waiting for Jess to come downstairs and talk, all of the sudden Jess appeared from the curtain

"Hey, do you want to go to the bridge or somewhere?"

"Sure, let's go"

'Cliché' came to Rory's mind when they sat down at the bridge. A couple of awkward minutes pass through them and he finally broke the ice

"You don't have to apologize, I guess it was an impulse, and I know a lot about that"

"Yes… I wasn't thinking, I mean you have Marissa and I have Logan, I just don't know why I did it…"

"Well… impulses tend to be that way, you just don't control yourself"

"Let's just…forget it, ok?"

"Yeah…sure, moving on" Jess smirked, and looked deeply at Rory, butterflies filled her stomach again and she smiled in response

"So tell me about California, is as _the O.C_ as I've heard?"  
"Kind of…is just less glamorous"

"That bad…huh?"

"Nothing like the peace and quiet of Stars Hollow"- Jess said, smirking

"Don't mock…it's my hometown and I love it" - she said hitting him playfully in the arm – "So Mariano…what's your business in here?"

"Oh…no, I can't tell you that, I would be betraying my dear uncle"

"Ok, Luke's involved…tell me, tell me!"

"You have to promise not to tell Lorelai"

"I promise"

"Luke's planning to take Lorelai for a couple of days to New York, that's all I know"

"That's great"

"Yep, that's all I came here for, to be at the diner while they're gone"

"Poor thing, you must feel so used"

"Oh yeah, I never felt worse" – He said, his voice dripping with sarcasm

They talk for hours until Rory had to go for her movie night.

For the next 2 days, Rory and Jess continued talking in the bridge about their life, catching up for those years missing, every day they got closer, they were becoming good friends again.

That way Rory found out that Marissa wasn't so perfect as everyone thought, she was actually blonde and not dark-haired, she dye her hair while she was still in college, she didn't like the "legally blonde" stereotype. Jess also told her about his father and the fight that broke their bonding; Jess wanted to have his own place, live with Marissa but his father didn't agree, so he just packed and left, leaving Marissa behind. _'As always'_ Rory thought

He was living in a small apartment in New York, and he was feeling miserable for leaving Marissa, but a few weeks later she appeared at his apartment, she was determined to live with him.

One day Rory and Jess where talking and Rory remembered what Jess had told her about his relationship with Marissa…

"I know this isn't a good time to bring this up…but…"

"What? Tell me"

"Well…if you've been with Marissa all this time, when you came back…you where with her? I mean… you said to me 'I love you'and you were with her?"

"I…I can explain that…ok, just hear me out"

"I mean, you love her…but you came back…to see me…"

"when I came to get my car, I had a fight with my dad about college and my career cause I was moving to New York and I wanted to transfer, he was upset and I really didn't know why, so I came here to pick up my car and I saw you…I did what I did out of an impulse…I needed to tell you how I felt"

"Oh…I see" Rory was disappointed – "but you came back after that…"

"yeah…´cause I went back to California, faced my dad and I moved to New York, Marissa appeared and everything was fine, I transferred to NY university and so did Marissa, but she…well, she met this guy…and later I found out that this was her ex-boyfriend…I didn't exactly asked too much about her previous relationships, but I was sure she didn't want to be with him, but apparently he did…so he started to get in our way, but Marissa didn't do a shit, so I fed up, and when I came for Liz's wedding I was so angry, I guess you were right, I was crazy"

"Why did you ask me to come with you?"

"Because I wanted to…Marissa was distant, and I missed you, there was this hole in me but when you said no, I…I notice that I was losing my time"

"I wanted to go"

"Oh…then…" - Jess stared at her – "…why didn't you say yes?"

"Don't know…I guess I was angry at you for leaving me…"

He smiled at her, and that surprised her, he hadn't smile since Marissa went back to New York.

"I was too, you know…angry at myself…"

She didn't know how to answer that, she came to the conclusion that Jess was aware of all the pain that he caused her.

"Ok, I'm starving"- she said trying to change the subject

"Let's go to Luke's, he is going to say Lorelai today"

"Say what?"

"About New York…"

"Oh! I want to see her face!"

They walked together to the diner and Lorelai and Luke were preparing to leave, Rory was a little mad at Luke for not waiting for them to tell Lorelai the news.

They left Rory and Jess alone after the lunch rush, they would be staying at NY for 3 or 4 days.

At night when the diner was already closed, and Rory was in there, because she had nowhere else to go, Jess's cell phone started to ring

"Wow…you gave up…you have a cell phone"

"uh…yes…wait I…I have to take this"- he went to the store room to talk, after 10 minutes he came back with his a weird face  
"Are you ok?"

"Yeah…it was nothing"

"Ok then…so…what's your reading material these days?" – Rory said trying to lighten up the mood

"Um…well…I've been reading _Love in the Time of Cholera_ by Gabriel Garcia Marquez"

"Oh, he's a really good writer, I read _Memories of My Melancholy Whores_"

"Wow…that's so not you"

"What? C'mon I'm not a teenager anymore…and definitely not a prude"

"I never said that…is just not your style, I guess"

"Uh…you think so?"

"Yes, I do"

"Wow…have you met me? My interests are teasingly diverse"

"Hey…why don't we go upstairs"- Jess said a little more nervous that usual. "We can take a look to my books…"

'_Why is he so nervous_'Rory thought – "oh…I know that speech…but yes, I do want to look at your new books"

They were sitting on the floor talking about books, but Jess was staring at Rory while she told him about the last book she read, _How to breathe underwater_, she was talking and talking, saying how breathtaking it was but he wasn't listening, he wasn't even trying to understand what she was talking about, he was captivated by her eyes, her hair, her small smile.

"So you definitely have to read it" – Rory said – "Jess…Jess?"

"Yeah…I…I will"

"Wow…you've changed…I thought you would say that it was a girls book or something like that"  
He knew so much about impulse and temptation, that he predicted this exact moment; he was aware she was engaged to Logan, but he didn't care, he knew he had Marissa, but in that moment he didn't care about that either.  
He just moved slowly and kissed her neck, he gave her time to push away, but she didn't and that was it.

She took control and kissed him furiously, they laid on the floor kissing and she was on top making a huge effort to not go too fast, she needed to remember this for ever, this was _their_ first time. They made their way to his bed and smoothly they undressed each other.

He was tender, sweet and quiet, he whispered how beautiful she was in her ear and she smiled in response, all this seemed perfect for Rory. She bit her lip trying to hold the moan that formed in her back throat, she could felt the blood running through his veins.  
They didn't notice how time flew by as they fell asleep.

The next morning, a knock on the apartment's door and the knob twisting, woke them up.

A/N: sorry for not update sooner, I was trying to make a really good chapter, I don't think it worked too much but at least I tried, i also wanted to apologize because I finished this chapter really late at night so probably has a lot of mistakes. Ok, people PLEASE review…if you just read this, then push the "go" button, leave a comment, it's just common courtesy.


	6. What if

6. What If

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore girls…blah, blah, blah

A/N: **thanks so much for the amazing reviews!** I never expected such a great response to the last chapter I'm so happy! You're all too good to me!

Ok, I want to explain a thing about last chapter, (from **my** point of view) Jess did love Rory; he was trying to move on while he was with Marissa, that's why I wrote that he came back and asked Rory to come with him and when she said no, he finally let go and moved on, I know is a little low...using Marissa and everything, but please just remember Shane (no…Marissa is not the new Shane is just a comparison of the situation) so that's all, after all he did love her.

------------------------

She was lying in her bed two days after the 'event', thinking why he would do something like this, it wasn't a normal reaction to their situation, she thought he would break up with Marissa for her or that he would try hard to make things work this time…with her, but he didn't, he just left everything hanging, hundreds of questions in the air

She couldn't stop remember almost in a morbid way each minute, each second of that night with him, the precious night that she'll always remember, it was an image burned in her brain, and also in her body.

In intent to forget and forgive she decided to get a bath, to wash away all the marks in her body that remind her of his existence, because those past days she had barely left her bed, she wanted to look good or decent for her mother's arrival, she wasn't sure if it was that same day or the next one

The cold icy water was running through her pale skin trying to erase something inerasable from her system, her mind, her soul, but mostly from her heart and once again the events of the morning after their encounter filled her head

_Flashback_

_The next morning, a knock on the apartment's door and the knob twisting, woke them up_

_Rory remained quiet with her back next to his warm body, trying hard not to picture the worst scenario, meaning Logan. Jess, on the other side was silently praying for not to be Marissa, even though he was an atheist. They heard light and insecure steps getting close to Jess's bed._

"…_Jess" – Marissa was standing close enough to see Rory and Jess in a not appropriate way in the bed._

_She was inert with a questioning look on her face, maybe she couldn't believe what her eyes were seeing, her skin turned paler and she looked gloomy. She left the apartment quietly; no yelling or scene._

_Jess reacted a second later, he threw his jeans and t-shirt on and ran behind Marissa_

_Rory lay in his bed rethinking the whole situation, she screwed up this time; she was the responsible of this, nobody else but her would carry the guilt if Jess and Marissa broke up, she never meant for this to happened, it just…happened._

_She got up and covered herself with his sheet, went as fast as she could to the kitchen and looked outside through the kitchen window. She saw Jess running up to Marissa, catching her before she get on his car. Rory could see Marissa's eyes, turning from bright green to a dark grey, maybe tears were forming behind her eyes, looking at Jess with…sympathy? Pain? Hate?_

_She saw Jess talking to Marissa, maybe rambling a million of reasons of why that_ _had happened maybe regretting it all, she couldn't exactly tell. Marissa nodded and put her finger on his mouth trying to shut him up, she got in the car, and drove away._

_Jess stayed in the middle of the street and watched her go back to New York, he slowly turn and walked to the diner._

_Rory was in the kitchen when he appeared, he didn't seem mad or sad but it wasn't such a surprise to Rory, when it comes to emotion Jess _is_ the best at hiding them._

"_Um…was she…did she call you last night?" – Rory looked at him with pleading eyes _'_say no…please say no_'_, she repeated in her head over and over_

"…_I…I think you should go"- he said with an unusual harsh tone _

_Rory was taken aback, she felt a strange weigh on her chest, she was having trouble to breathe, she needed to get out of that apartment; that place was too small for both of them. She dressed quickly and turned to look at him, he was sitting in the kitchen with his head between his hands, she wanted so badly to go and talk to him, comfort him, touch him one more time. But she didn't, she couldn't do that after what happened, she suppressed the urge and went downstairs and exited the diner as quiet as possible._

_End flashback _

She was getting dressed when the phone rang interrupting her thoughts

"Hello"

"Hi, ace" – Logan caught right away her sad tone – "what's going on?"

"Um…nothing"

"Are you sure?"

"Yep…so why are you calling?"

"I was thinking that maybe instead of me going back, you come here and stay until the wedding" – He said trying to cheer her up

"Oh…I…I can't" – she said surprised at Logan's proposition

"Why not? I mean…I'm here, the wedding is going to be here, and don't you miss me?"

"Yes, I miss you, but I have some…um…things to take care here" – she wanted to talk to Jess, they couldn't leave things like they were

"Ok, then…but listen, I'm going to stay here anyways at least for a few weeks more but I really think there's no point of go back and after some months travel back here again"

"Fine, whatever…I'll travel…um a month or so before the wedding…ok?"

"Ok, talk to you soon, take care"

"Yeah…you too" – she hung up with one concern; why did Logan didn't want to come back? He was taking care of the whole wedding thing, but he couldn't possible be so interested, he wasn't Emily Gilmore after all. She dropped it, Logan was the faithful, the reliable, and he would never cheat. Not as her, she felt guilty. What would her grandparents say about this? How could she do something like this? How could she just jump into bed with her ex boyfriend, who (by the way) had a pretty, cool, fun and loveable girlfriend?

Then again something interrupted her thoughts, the door bell rang loudly, and she slowly walked to the main door

"How could you?"

"Marissa…I…"- Rory was surprised by the presence of Jess's girlfriend at her doorstep

"I can't believe you…I thought you were over whatever you two had…but no…I…I thought you were engaged or something, your mom told me about it…"- Marissa was rambling on and on

"I'm sorry! Ok?" – Rory sighed – "but…I…I didn't started it…and yes, I am engaged"

"Can't believe you…blaming him…that's so low, you should stay away from him"

"I didn't know he was your propriety"

"He is not, but he is my boyfriend and I'm not polygamous, I bet you would be mad if you knew that your fiancé is cheating on you!"

"None of your business"

"Well, Jess is my business…and I haven't spoken to him because of you! Can't face him after what I saw"

"That's not my problem, I think you should leave…now, you have no right to come and throw me all this shit"

"I am…I'm leaving, I…" – she looked at Rory with pleading and sad eyes –"Just stay away from him"

Marissa walked to Jess's car and left, Rory realized that she wasn't a mean girl, she was sad and hurt that was all.

She shut the door, and walked to the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror above the sink, she wasn't the same happy, naïve girl that she was 7 years ago. Now she was in this huge hole surrounded by elite people like her grandmother or her mother-in law to be. She looked skinnier, the spark was gone of her eyes, her skin was paler and she had bags under her eyes, she could stay like this, and she knew how to solve this problem, she was going to talk to him.

Rory walked through the darks and lonely streets later that night, rehearsing her speech; she liked things planned but especially with him, because his reaction was the decision of their future, if there was any.

She had in mind to say something as cheesy as "I'll stand here until I fill all your heart's desires", and after those words slip from her lips, he would kiss her and everything would be fine again

She continued walking toward the diner, and saw a soft light coming from the diner, even though the sing said "_closed_" she knew that the door was unlooked so she opened and entered slowly, the bell announce her entrance into the place

"We're closed" – he said with his back to her

"I…want…I need to talk to you" – she wasn't sure of what to say first, she was afraid of how he could react. He turned to face her and saw insecurity in her eyes, the insecurity that he had never seen before in her

"…sit…" – he served her a cup of coffee and continue his night chores

"I…"- she forgot all about her speech, who wouldn't? With his chocolate brown eyes and his sweet smell –"um…what happened? I mean with Marissa?

"We…we'll talk when I go back…" – he didn't looked at her –"she's not angry, if you want to know…I guess she's just upset…"

"Oh…she's being really…um…flexible about this, huh?"- She remembered the little fight that they had, but decided not to mention anything – "I…I…"

"What?" – He said a little bit annoyed maybe for her last comment about his girlfriend

"I…don't regret it"

He stared at her with a puzzled look and walking to the stairs said "I do…" and he disappear behind the curtain.

She remained in her seat like in a weird space, incoherent thoughts were running through her mind and something was blurring her vision, the weight on her chest was back, she felt a strong ache in her heart. She didn't notice the tears until they hit her hands, and felt them slightly wet _"no, no, no, no…please…no!"_ she said over and over in an almost inaudibly whisper

She made her way home as best as she could, without even bother to turning the lights on, she went to her room and lay down on her bed crying, but no sound was coming out of her mouth, she felt trapped and lonely, she felt guilty and used by Jess. Could he do something like that? How could he be so cold? Didn't he……didn't he love her?

She didn't remember those sweet words coming out of his mouth, in her head all she could hear over and over was thousands of '_…you're…beautiful_' in a hoarsely voice. She fell asleep with all this thoughts in her head begging for an answer.

The next day, Lorelai's "_oh, honey…_" woke her immediately, she felt safer now that her mom was there to help her go through this.

Lorelai sat at the edge of the bed and looked at Rory with motherly eyes

"Good morning…are you ok?"

"Yes mom, why?"

"Cause your eyes are red, and swollen…you don't look ok"

"Well…I am"- she said smiling weakly – "so did you and Luke had a good time?"

"Yeah, we did, Luke just left to the diner"- Lorelai stared at Rory and notice that she was avoiding her eyes –"Rory is obvious you're not ok-"

"I am"- she cut her off

"Oh, ok"- Lorelai could _see_ something disturbing the normal peace of Rory so she breathed and asked –"so…how's Jess?"

She didn't answered immediately, she looked at Lorelai and said –"…Why don't you ask him? …Why should I know?"

"Ok then, what happened?"

"Nothing happened, ok!"- She said sitting up

"Then why are you so freaked out?"

"I…I just…I'm not freaking out…can you go please? I need to get dressed"

"Yeah…sure"- Lorelai knew, she always knew when something wasn't right, so she took her purse and walked to the diner. The bell sounded loudly and everyone turned around, Luke stopped immediately in his way to the store room

"What did you do to her?"- Lorelai said to Jess that was standing behind the counter

"Excuse me?"

"I asked you a question, smart-ass!"

"I don't know what you're talking about"

"You do know, don't come with that shit with me…I have a crushed kid in my house and I need to know why!"

"Why don't you ask her? Huh? Is that hard to do? Is she mute or something?"- He snapped, he was tired of being the bad boy who broke the little town princess heart; he wasn't that guy anymore. He disappeared behind the curtain

Lorelai left the diner feeling stupid for pulling out such a huge scene for nothing, she walked back to her home and found Rory in the same place as she left her

"Rory…why don't you tell me what happened? I just yelled at him and is the first time I felt it wasn't right"

"I…I just…"- she started to cry again, this was so much strong than her, so much bigger – "I slept with him"

"I'm sorry…what?"- She asked sitting next to Rory

"I…slept…"- she repeated slowly

"I heard, I just can't believe it…oh Rory"

"I know…"

"What did he said? I mean, you're crying so something else happened…or did he hurt you…cause if he did…"

"No mom, he didn't…he said…he said he regret it…"

"Oh sweetie I'm so sorry……what about Marissa?"

"I…don't know…I don't want to know" – tears were now freely running down her checks

"I know this isn't good timing…but, why did you?" – Lorelai needed to understand this time; she just couldn't let this slip by

"I guess I really wanted to"- Rory said hesitating

"You just wanted to? Like meaningless sex? Cause you could've told me, there are a lot of guys that you can pay for-"

"No…mom, ew…he started it you know…"

"Why didn't you push away? You could have…right?"

"Mom…"

"I just need to know, after all you have a fiancé and you're not supposed to do this…I'm trying to help you Ror"

Rory was afraid of admitting the reason of her behavior, of her constants headaches when his name came up, of her jealousy towards Marissa, and the awkwardness between them

"C'mon Rory…tell me"

"I…I…"- she sighed – "I still love him"

_What if you should decide  
__That you don't want me there by your side  
__That you don't want me there in you life._

A/N: I finished this really late at night so, yes it probably has grammar and spelling mistakes. Is not as good as I wanted to be, but at least it works for now. I hadn't updated in so much time because I had some studying to do, anyways here's the new chapter! Yay! Once again: You read it, you review it…common courtesy


	7. Some Say

7. Some Say

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore girls

A/N: Sorry I hadn't updated in so long, but life gets in the way. Thanks for the reviews, they're always appreciated.

------------

Lorelai was walking through the town towards Luke's, with her mind full of doubts and questions that people could read right through her, worried written all over her face. A couple of days had passed since Rory had told her the truth, she didn't like this at all, but she deal with it as the cool mom she's supposed to be

_Flashback_

"_I…I…"- she sighed – "I still love him"_

"_Excuse me? I think I'm going deaf"_

"_You wanted to know why, well there you go!" – Rory snapped, maybe a little tired of Lorelai trying to avoid what was going on_

"_You said 'still'…you were in love with him when he dumped you?"_

"_What if I was?"_

"_Nothing, but Rory if you love him, why are you with Logan?"_

"_I…I didn't think about him…till now"_

"_It's ok kid, you don't have to get married, you're young"- she said a little more calm and trying hard to understand the situation_

"_I know…I just…I can't be with Jess either…he doesn't want me…"- Rory said in a whisper almost in tears _

"_You don't need to be with one of them, I'm just saying that maybe you shouldn't be with Logan, if you love someone else"_

"_I won't cancel the wedding…I can't…grandma…" _

"_You should think about this, but not like this, in bed, you need to go out or something, clear your head a little, and please leave my mother out of this, is your life not hers"_

"_Mom, I really need to get dressed now…thanks"_

"_Sure, anytime" _

_Lorelai exited the room quietly and avoided the subject for the next days, she didn't want to create a rift _

_End flashback_

"Luuuke! Coffee!" – Lorelai entered the diner in a better mood that she really was

"Hey" – He said and kissed her briefly – "so…how is she?"

"She's better"- She sighed – "I really think the should talk, you know, they can leave everything like this, is painful for both of them, but especially for her"

"Talk? That could be so much worst"- Luke sighed –"well, is up to them, by the way, do you know what I realized?"

"What?"

"You and Jess are so alike, that's why you two don't get along"

"Oh my God! You're serious!"- She said making an _'_ew' face

"As a heart attack"

"No way Jess and I are alike"

"If you say so…"

"I do say so!"

"Wow…I never thought you would be so upset, I'm sorry"- He said trying hard not to laugh at her reaction

"How can you compare me with the guy who broke my daughter's heart, twice, and slept with her just to say that he 'regret it', plus he cheated his girlfriend!"- Lorelai said almost out of breath

"Ok, I'm sorry, what else can I do to help Rory? Hit him?"

"No…I just…I hate to see Rory tearing apart like this, this is not her"

"I know, but that Logan-"

"What about him?" – She said cutting him off

"Don't get mad Lorelai, but I never liked him, since Rory started to date him…well, she changed"

"I don't like him either, but the wedding is so soon, and I don't think Rory will cancel it, she is doing this for my mother"

"She shouldn't do this for Emily, this is her wedding, I mean what is she thinking?"

"Calm down I know that too, but how can I make her understand?"

"Yeah, you're right they should talk"

"I know"- she said –"ok, now that we cleared that I'm _always_ right, can you bring me those wonderful French fries of yours?"

"Yeah, coming right up"- Luke went to the kitchen and continued to serve the other costumers

Jess appeared behind the counter with his usual black jacket and just like the old times, he shouted an "I'm out" to Luke and exited the diner. Lorelai saw him at the bus stop and taking out a book from his back pocket, he sat at the bench and waited until a bus that said _'_NY' in big letters pulled around the corner and stopped. Jess got on the bus and disappeared from the small town.

"Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"Why is Jess going to New York?"

"Um…I…I think he is going to…see Marissa or something, why?"

"No reason, just…wondering"

"Oh, ok"- Luke went back to the kitchen and appeared seconds after with Lorelai's French fries – "you don't want anything else?"

"Do you know what look's good with fries?"

"Coffee coming right up"

"Ah! The perfect man!"

Rory was trying to clean her room a little more, she had decided to stay there until she had to fly to Paris and get married, she felt a lot more calm with her mom around, so this was a wise choice.  
She needed to go to Hartford and pick some of her stuffs to stay for a longer and undefined time, so she took her car and drove back to her apartment.  
She entered with insecurity and went straight to her room, she felt like her short steps where leading to nowhere, the apartment was too damn big and she hated it, she didn't like to admit the fact that at this point her life seemed so hate-able, marring some rich guy was just the beginning of all of it. The apartment was too big for her; this life she was living was too big for her to fit in.

She packed as fast as she could some cloths and leaved, she avoided to look at the answering machine that had its little red light blinking.  
Driving back to Stars hollow, she decided to go to Luke's, she thought that probably Babette and Miss Patty had found another juicy story to spread around, so she would be safe.

"Luke?"

"Rory, hi…you just missed your mom, she went to the inn"

"It's ok, I just want to eat, I'm starving"

"Ok then, what will you have?"

"I'll have…um…a cheeseburger with fries and coffee"

"Cherry pie?"

"Why not"

Luke went to the kitchen to prepare Rory's food, and all that time Rory stared at the stairs with a terrified face, afraid of Jess coming in any second. She didn't notice Luke until he yelled "RORY! Your food!"

"Oh, thanks"- she said nervous

"He is not here; he went to NY this morning"

"Oh…to…um…to do what?"

"Well, you know that Jess doesn't talk too much, well at least not to me, but he mention something about Marissa"

"Oh…ok, thanks for the food"- She said and Luke caught the disappointment in her voice

Rory was eating silently when her cell phone started to ring, Luke wasn't around so she answered without having to go outside

"Hello"

"Hey ace, how you've been?"

"It's Rory, R-o-r-y"

"Sorry, you're in a bad mood, what happened?"

"Nothing, just a thing…with my mom…"

"Oh, I just wanted to know what you've been doing"

"Ok…" – an awkward silence invaded the phone line

"Look, I wanted to change the date of the wedding…"

"Oh…wow"- Rory's face lighten up a little

"Yeah, make it sooner, why should we wait so much time?"

"I…I-"

"I already spoke with Emily, she said it's fine"

"Wow…sooner? Um…how sooner?"

"A month or so"

"…if my grandma it's ok with it…why not…"- she said disappointed

"Ok, then…I'll talk to you soon"

"Sure you will…" – She shut her phone, feeling frustrated again, why did she gave up so easily?

Lorelai entered the diner making Rory to jump in her seat, she sat right next to her and talked about how stupid Michel is, and other thinks of the inn, and she notice that Rory was a little more sad than the same morning.

"Hey, what's goin-"

"Lor, um do you want to go to dinner tonight?"- Luke walked into the diner from the store room interrupting the conversation

"Um, yeah sure"

The girls didn't had the change to talk, because Rory leaved and went home and Lorelai and Luke went to their "out of the blue date"

Rory was reading a book, it was too early to sleep and with nothing better to do she got up from her bed, put the book back on the shelf, and went out.

She walked to Luke's and saw the lights of the apartment on, she tried to open the door but as the sign said it was "Closed". When she knocked, nobody came down, after a while she walked away a little upset that maybe Jess was up there and he didn't want to open the door, of course she forgot about the hidden key that Luke had in case of an emergency

She walked to the bridge, as she always did when she needed to be alone; no one knew the truth about the bridge, there was just two reasons why she always ended up in the same place, nobody but Jess knew. The best memories of him were burned there, with the rest of the precious moments that they had shared, but one day she told him the second reason; 'the water makes me calm, helps me relax and to get away from the problems', he just smirked in response.

She saw a figure sitting in her usual spot, she saw white smoke vanishing in the cold air and she knew.

She sat quietly next to him, and she could feel him breathing heavily and smooth right next to her, his lungs sounded more obstructed and she worried, but her mind was forcing her to think about theirs bodies, together, _that night._ Mental images were flying by so fast that her head was spinning, until Jess with his sweet voice calmed her down

"How you've been?"

"Fine…you?"

"Fine"

"Um…why did you…go to New York today?"

"I tried to talk with Marissa…"

"Oh…how did that go?"

"I think we'll work out, I hope…"- him, Jess Mariano was _hopping_, did he even knew what _hope_ means? Hope was what she felt when he said 'I love you', hope that he would actually had stayed

"That's…good"- She said and smiled weakly, he couldn't see if she was faking it or she actually meant it. She is so different from what she used to be, when she was with him. He hates it, with all his being he hates it, but most of all he hates Logan for changing her.

She stood up and walked away silently praying for him to go after her but he didn't and again she started to tear apart. She walked back to her house, her mother wasn't home yet, probably Luke and she stayed somewhere else to do "grown up things", as Lorelai always says. She went to the kitchen, and opened the fridge; she needed something to help her forget the fact that they 'will work it out'

She was never good at drinking but this time it didn't seem like a bad option at all, in fact she thought of the solution for this problem; Logan, cheating, Jess, wedding, Emily, everything was just too much for her. She thought that maybe that's why there are so many alcoholic people; they just use it like an escape, an easy way to get out. Yeah, maybe is a coward choice, but did it even matter at this point?

She didn't notice how much she had drunk, when she decided to go again to the diner, it was around 3 in the morning and she needed to see him, the constant need for his smirk, his skin, his mouth came to her like a wave, impossible to stop.

She drunkenly walked to Luke's, looked for the hidden key above the door and proceeded to open the door, then she made her way upstairs really slowly trying not to fell down.

She opened the apartment's door as quietly as she possibly could and walked up to his bed, he was peacefully sleeping.

She sneaked to his bed and got close to his body, and hugged him in an attempted to hold to something real.

He had noticed her presence since she opened the diner's door; he was too familiar to this drunk state thanks to his mom, but he kept his eyes shut until she got into his bed.

He turned to face her and opened his eyes; he found her thin body looking for something that wasn't there, security. He didn't push away her embrace, as he spoke

"What are you doing here?" – said in a whisper trying to keep the peace and quiet of the night.

She didn't answer, she just started to kiss his jaw line; butterfly kisses, drunken kisses. She made a smooth way to his mouth, and he kissed her back letting himself be carried by the moment.

She tasted like beer, cheap beer, he broke the kiss, remembering Marissa's words _"I don't want her near you…please"._

"Rory…"

"I don't want to get married…"- she whispered almost inaudibly with her eyes closed

"What?"- He was surprised at her…revelation? Confession?

"I don't want to marry Logan"

A/N: It's late and I'm sleepy…so yeah, I'm aware it has grammar mistakes, and I know it sucks, but reviews are my life, and they really encouraged me to write. One more time; you read it, you review it, common courtesy.


	8. The Truth

8. The Truth

Disclaimer: Um…nope, I still don't own Gilmore girls

A/N: Hey everyone! I finally got my computer back after months without it (BTW it burned down, that's why I didn't have it) I had to wrote this chapter all over again cause I lost everything that I had in my hard disk. But anyways, I wanted to say **THANKS** to everyone who reviewed last chapter. Also I want to apologize for every single grammar mistake, because I read all the chapters and I notice how many mistakes I made, I'm so SORRY! Ok, I'm not going to ramble anymore, here is chapter 8...

---------------

She was lying in the bed, just opening her eyes when he walked out of the bathroom with a towel around his hips, hear dripping wet, from the long and relaxing shower he just had took.

She felt the guilt growing in her soul with just a glance at his body, and she thought that at this point she was the most stupid person alive. She had embarrassed herself on several times, and apparently she didn't had enough yet, she had to come last night, drunk by the way, and put herself and him in an awkward position, and not just physically.

Rory remembered the 'events' of the past couple of days, and _regretted it_, just as he did the morning after, suddenly Jess sat on the edge of the bed.

"Hi…um, how you feel?"

"I'm…sorry" – she said in a whisper, avoiding his question

"there's nothing to apologize"

"Besides that I should say a million times I'm sorry for being here?"

"Rory…"

"No, it's ok, is that I don't know what's wrong with me these days"

"What do you mean?" – he asked trying not to think that she was blaming him

"Oh…I didn't mean that…I'm just saying that… I'm kind of lost"- She said shyly

"Oh…" – and there was a awkward pause, he never imagined that Rory Gilmore could felt what is to be lost

"Logan…he…um, he change the date of the wedding"- she said changing the topic

"That's good, right?"

"actually is a month sooner" – she said with sadness

"And…do you want to marry him?"

"I don't know anymore, I'm not sure"

"you have to make a choice Rory, and please don't come here again…I shouldn't even be seeing you"

"What do you mean?"

"I…I talked with Marissa, and she said we could be together if only I don't see you anymore" – He said with his common neutral face

"…And you're ok with that?"

"Look I'm sorry for what happened, we shouldn't have spent some much time together…"

"I know…I consider you my friend, after all of this…we can't just be strangers"

"I made a mistake by kissing you…it was stupid, and I was upset, that was it"

"What?"

"is just that…Marissa called that night, she told me that she was going out with her ex-boyfriend, but she needed to tell me first, that she felt guilty cause I wasn't around and this guy was taking advantage from the situation, we argued about how couldn't she said no to people, and that she is trying to make everyone happy when she knows she can't, I got angry and I hang up on her, I guess that's why she showed up next day"- he didn't dare to look at her, he just looked down to his palms

She couldn't say a word, a big knot was starting to bother her in back throat, her lips formed a small 'o' and her eyes watered. She couldn't believe that he had done that just because he was jealous of Marissa's ex boyfriend, after all he had _used_ her.

They stared at each other for a while, until Jess walked back to the bathroom, because maybe for the first time he felt ashamed of his actions, his attitude. A single tear ran down Rory's face, and she wiped it with her hand; she was completely lost and had nowhere to go. What she was supposed to do now? Nobody was on her side of this "fight" against the life she never asked for.

Meanwhile Jess got in the bathroom and looked himself in the mirror, he didn't know why he was hurting her so much, she was the one who got over him…he was supposed to love her for eternity, but apparently it was the other way around. He didn't know what to do, for the first time he had to chose, and he didn't want to lose either. He didn't want to lose Rory, because maybe they could get over this and be friends as they used to, but Marissa was pushing him to choose between her and Rory, it didn't matter if he wanted a relationship or a friendship.

_Flashback_

"_I don't want to get married"_

"_What?"_

"_I don't want to marry Logan"_

_Those words banged hard on his head, as a freaking hammer he wasn't sure what to say, so he just stayed quiet_

_He thought the consequences that this would have when her mother and, especially, her grandmother find out, she didn't want to marry the perfect rich guy? Why would Rory do that? He didn't wanted to be related to her decision about this marriage, because Lorelai would blame him for any decision that Rory took, I didn't matter if it was getting married or not. And her grandmother probably would treat him like scum, or even worst, she would ally with Lorelai and get Rory as far away from him as they could. He didn't need this, not again, he had already humiliated, and he had change, now he wasn't the same bad boy that they met was when he had 17. He decided to stayed quiet, and not make any comment, but Rory pressure him for some kind of answer_

"_Please…Jess…I need you"- she said sobbing _

"_I…don't know what to say Ror…"_

_She leaned to his shoulder and he felt the strong smell of beer, and sadness coming from her small body, it was the first time he could _smell_ sadness, it was so strong, it was more like an essence of it. _

_She continued crying until she felled asleep, but he couldn't sleep after this confession; her life and his own were now depending on one simple phrase: "I do"_

_If she got married; he could be finally happy with Marissa, and get free from this "tempest" that Rory had caused, because this was making him think all he had lost when he skipped town a few years ago, _she_ was making him remember all those beautiful feelings, _she_ made him remember that he had fallen in love for the first time._

_After the long night he had to spend awake, he got up and went into the bathroom, and took a shower. The effect of hot water running through his skin, made him dizzy, but comfortable at the same time until the point that he almost regain all his sleeping hours. That made him felt a temporarily happiness, made him forget and forgive, but temporarily was the problem, it was just for a while, like all things in his life. He needed something stable, he couldn't deal with depending on others to make a normal life. He needed to make a choice and nobody should interfere in it. he was so confused about this, he wasn't so stupid or so sensitive before he met her, he used to looked at things with a cold vision, nothing matter before he met her, but now she was the one making the mess, changing things, screwing with his life. He didn't asked for this, he had bounced back from the rough fall that he had had after he left her behind in that stupid small town. But once again she was turning his world upside down with just her presence._

_He got out of the shower, and realized that this was a huge mistake, he needed to put an end, for his own sake_

_End flashback_

Rory got up, and felt the weight of the pain in her heart, that stupid pain between her stomach and her throat, she always wondered if that was her soul, cause every damn time she was suffering, this pain wouldn't go away. It was stronger than anything that she ever felt before, it was heartache.

She walked slowly to the door, and looked once again to his bed, she needed to let him go, this was destroying her. She hadn't realized how weak she was around him, until this precise moment. "This stops here", she said to herself, and she finally believed it.

She walked through the dinner as nothing was happening, and she didn't mind about all the whispering she heard while she was walking by. Rory, for the first time, touched the bottom, she couldn't have gone further down, and she hear her mom's voice inside her head telling her, begging her to let him go. She knew that if he didn't love her, he would go back with Marissa and he wouldn't care if she got married, and if he loved her…she had her hopes up. From this point she didn't know what was next, she wasn't sure about the future of her relationship with Logan, but one thing was clear; she needed to close the wounds in her heart first.

Lorelai dialled the same phone number over and over, but there was no answer. She had come back with Luke early this morning from the inn, where she spent the night because she didn't want to perturb Rory with weird noises, and while she walked around the house looking for her daughter she saw the empty and still made bed. "Oh…fuck" she thought, remembering what Rory had said –"_I_ _still love him" – _Luke tried to calmed her down but there was no chance of that happening if Rory didn't walked through the door. Luke thought of going after her, so he went out so search in the most common places that she could be, meanwhile Lorelai was almost in a panic crisis when Rory walked in.

"Where have you been all night! I been calling you and you don't answered, why do you even have a cell phone for! You know that Luke's searching for you all over town! What is the matter-

"Mom…stop!" – She said cutting her off –"I…I'm letting him go…"

"Oh, Hun…I'm so sorry I yelled at you. Are you ok? I just thought that you went to see him again and…you know what…"

"oh…no, but I saw him, and he gave me the reasons to see that he's not worth it"- she said emotionless

"Ror, do you want to talk about it?"

"Not actually"- Rory said trying to forget every single image of him –"Mom…I made I decision"

"Tell me"

"I'm going to Paris"

A/N: Did you like it? Did you hate it? Just drop a review please? I think is a little more short that the rest of the chapters, but I needed to update the story. As I already said, I hadn't updated in so long cause I had a problem with my computer so I hope no one gave up on this story cause is not over yet!


	9. Hard to Say

9. Hard to say

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore girls, satisfied?

A/N: THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS, and please keep them coming, cause I don't get tired of them…ever

One more thing…I'm sorry for all the grammar mistakes (it's all explained in my bio ¬¬)

And here is chapter nine…

---------------

Marissa was sitting on the couch, on the verge of tears, talking with her best friend Sophie about the mess up relationship that Jess and she were leading for almost a month now. They were in Sophie's apartment because Marissa couldn't stand being all alone in their apartment (if you could dare to say _their_), these days this situation was more often. There was an unspoken agreement between them; he visited her once or twice a week in the apartment they shared in New York, but he was living back in Stars Hollow, and she didn't even know why.

Marissa spend just few hours a week with him, and it wasn't like before, he was colder that usual, he didn't kiss her like before, he didn't want her like before. And all of this was because of _that girl_; since she came back from Paris, everything between them was different.

"Why can he just get over her?" – she said with an angry tone

"Hey, maybe he got over her but, who knows? Maybe she is the one pressing the situation, you know how girls are when the want something…they can act like bitches"

"Yeah, I know. But why he doesn't break up with me? Doesn't he know that this is torturing me? His freaking attitude is killing me"- she said between sobs

"oh, sweetie, don't cry over that asshole, he's not worth it"

"I know…I just can't help it…I love him, despite of all this…I love him"

"Marissa, how can you love someone like that?

"I just do, ok!"

"Ok, don't get mad at me…look why don't we go out, shopping, whatever so you can get your head out of this?"

"yeah ok…I guess"

"Ok, so changing topic…what is up with Jake? Did he call you again?"

"Yeah, he want me to move in with him…in California, he talked to my for an hour about how we can make all work, and this time will be different"

"So…what is the problem? He is definitely better that Jess…isn't he?"

"I thought that we weren't talking about him anymore"

"You're right, sorry. So you go for your purse, and I'll get the car, ok?

"Ok" – she said faking a little smile

Marissa couldn't stop think about him, after all the clothes that she had bought and all the cigarettes that she had smoked, it was a waste of time try to avoid these thoughts. He is all she thinks about, she need him so much that this feeling make her sick. Marissa wasn't one of those girls that fall apart when they're not in a relationship, but this situation was truly killing her. Knowing that maybe in any minute Jess could call and say the words that might break her heart and soul inside. Why did he make her feel this way? If he loved her so much, why he cheated on her? Why? That's all she wanted, an answer. She didn't understand why he had to sleep with someone else if he said he was in love with her, she couldn't put the pieces together, at this point she sensed that Jess was hiding something, maybe he doesn't love her as much as he used to, maybe he said it just for fill up a gap between them, a gap that was the consequence of his cheating, of him fucking with his ex-girlfriend.

_Flashback (A month ago)_

"_I'm going to Paris"_

"_What? Are you going to get married?"_

"_No, I'm going to talk to Logan"_

"_Sweetie, are you ok? You don't look ok"_

"_Mom, I better than ok, I realized how much time I've been wasting, I can't pretend anymore. I'm not going to keep faking just cause grandma wants this"_

"_Finally!"- Lorelai said a little too excited, making Rory put a questioning face – "Rory don't you realize that this is what I've been trying to say to you all this time?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_You have to stop making life decisions based on what my mother wants for you"_

"_I know that…but I figure it out on my own"_

"_That's ok Rory, but it's good that you finally realized what you need to do with your own life, and I emphasize on the word _your_"_

"_Thanks mom"- she said happier than all these past weeks –"so now I need to go and tell him everything"_

"_You're going to tell him about…you know…"- Lorelai said surprised_

"_no…I mean…I need to talk to him, clear things up and make a decision"_

"_That's good kiddo" - she said proud of her daughter –"So when are you leaving?"_

_When the airplane took off, she was in a window row seat, and by her grandmother's request, she was in business class. Unfortunately she, somehow, knew that she was going to Paris, so she bought her a first class ticket, but Rory change it for a business one (so she didn't had to deal with her grandmother, but state at the same time that she can make her own decisions now)_

_The last time she talked with her grandmother, she already knew about her granddaughter travelling to Paris, and had a reservation for her at the Ritz. She talked on and on for about an hour and a half about all the suites, and the ones with names in honor of Marcel Proust, the Duke of Windsor and Coco Chanel, of course she also filled her in her own room, and Logan's room, she told her everything about the furniture and the "lovely 'Luis XVI' style". All this made Rory sick, she was fed up with this fantasy world, this empty world. _

_After a while Emily changed the topic, to her favourite one, the wedding._

"_So Rory, I must say that this wedding is going to be magnificence, I'm sure it will be on every news paper, can you imagine that? The perfect couple"_

"_I'm sure it will grandma"- she said with no emotion _

"_Aren't you thrill, Rory? All the preparations are ready, everything's perfect!"_

"_I'm sure it is…so how's Logan?"_

"_He's so happy about this Rory, you can see it in his face"_

"_Oh, that's good…ok, grandma I really need to go now, so see you in a couple of days"_

"_Looking forward to it!"_

"_me too grandma…me too"_

_She was nervous, and the knot in her throat was making her feel bad, after a while when the flight attendant passed doing the usual rounds, she asked for water and an aspirin. A few minutes later, she was fast asleep._

_After 8 hours of flight, she got off of the plane and walked trough the "_Le Bourget" _airport. She looked for a taxi to take her to the hotel, where her grandma had a room reserved for her. The taxi driver was and old man, but unlike the regular French's, he was nice and tried to make conversation with Rory while he was driving to Place Vendôme._

_When she was about to check in, she heard a "RORY?" and turned over. The man of her past dreams and her nightmares was walking towards her in that precise moment, apparently her grandmother didn't informed her fiancé about her coming to Paris. Logan was still in shock and didn't notice that Rory went pale as he walked to the front desk to greet her._

_Rory acted normal but she knew that sooner or later she had to come clean about the hole situation, of course she could avoid the sex part, but she needed to tell Logan about this._ _She had to tell him about the current of feelings that they were now concentrated in another direction._

_A few more days past, the wedding date was near, and she still couldn't get the strength to make such a huge statement as "I don't love you anymore, we can't get married" How could she break him like that after all the time they spent together? In her unconscious, she still has that feeling of guiltiness when she is hurting someone, she can't stand hurt anyone._

_Fortunately for her, Lorelai was always for her, it didn't matter what 'road' she took, she was there, trying to do the best for her._

"_Hi, mom"_

"_Hey, offspring! How are you doing?"_

"_Actually, very good, I love Paris, is all so magic here, so how are you?"_

"_I'm fine thanks, here…bored…in stars hollow"- Lorelai answered in a monotonous tone – "I can't believe this, I'm here stuck in this boring town and you're in one of the most romantics cities of the world!" _

"_oh, I'm sorry"_

"_So why didn't you call me sooner? To busy for mommy?"_

"_no, is just that I've been thinking that's all"_

"_Yeah? About what? Something involving the J word?"_

"_Not exactly…more like the L word"_

"_Lesbian! Oh Rory this isn't a good time to say that…"_

"_Mom! This isn't a joke!" – Rory said with a smile in her face picturing her mother's face_

"_So what happened with Logan?"- She said more serious now_

"_I haven't told him about…"- she said hesitating _

"_Oh…what are you planning to do?"_

"_Don't know…"_

"_Hun…you're sure about this, right? Why are you so freaked out about this if you don't love him anymore?"_

"_I'm scared…of grandma, and of hurting him. I don't want to hurt him"_

"_Rory, you already hurt him by sleeping with Jess even if he doesn't know"_

"_Don't rub it in my face, ok? I hadn't realized what I felt for him…I think I'm doing the right thing here"_

"_I'm not rubbing in your face, don't go all defensive on me"- Lorelai say a little annoyed –"plus how do you know that you'll get Jess after all?"_

"_I don't…but this is for me, not for him, I never said I'm doing this to get him"- she said with a hint of sadness_

"_ok, then"_

"_I'll see you when you get back?"_

"_Sure, bye"_

"_bye"_

_Hours later the warm sun of the fall was invading the hotel room of the Ritz, they were staring at each other with nothing to say. What it was needed to be said, it was being told with their cold stares. The golden couple was falling apart; years of "beautiful" relationship were tearing apart in a matter of minutes. Who would have thought that this wonderful and promising mid-twenties couple could be so fragile and thin to break so easily? _

_Rory told him that this was over, they couldn't get married. When he asked for a reason, she only said "I just can't" and his doubts were tangibles in the air. This was the first time she felt truly sorry for him, he was almost in tears, and it was the first time she made him look so weak. _

_Logan was facing down on the bed, on the other hand, Rory was seated on the edge of the bed_

"_Tell me you don't love me"_

"_I…I don't love you Logan" – she said sure of her statement _

"_Liar"_

"_Oh c'mon! You're blind! Don't you see this is not working anymore? I don't want to become a trophy wife! I don't want DAR meetings, and I don't have a job! I graduated from Yale, not just any college, from Yale! I'm wasting my time, I feel useless and I'm just 25! I'm not being myself if I marry you"- Rory said with all her feeling of the pasts months mixed together, she poured her heart to him. All her anger, sadness and pity for herself was now out of her system, and she knew this was it._

_Rory walked out of the room silently, and went straight to pack her clothes, she checked off of the hotel and took a taxi right outside of it to take her to the airport. She was going home._

_End flashback _

Marissa was seated in a little cafe with Sophie when her cell phone started to ring, she looked down to the little blue screen, she stood up and walked away to have more privacy.

"What do you want?"- she responded calmly

"I wanted to talk"

"What about?"

"Why are you being such a bitch?"

"Hey! What the hell is wrong with you!" – She said annoyed to her ex-boyfriend

"ok, I'm sorry…I just needed to talk to you, and you're being so fucking mean"

"Jake I don't know yet if I want to move back to California ok? So don't push this…you know I'm still with Jess"

"Yeah I know, but I talked with Sophie, she said you two aren't the same…and you know I love you…I still do, I'm not going to treat you like dirt, like he does"

"What the fuck? You talked with Sophie? Gosh! That's why she was so interested in this!" – Marissa was completely furious

"Please, don't get mad at her, I called her. I asked her about you and that guy…I know you're miserable with him"

"No you don't" – she said and her eyes filled with water blurring her view –"the only reason for me to move with you to California would be if…if I can't stay here anymore, ok?"

"I love you Marissa"

"Whatever…I've heard so many lies that I don't know what to believe anymore" – and with that she hung up

Meanwhile in Stars Hollow Rory was seated in the diner with her mother, and they where laughing just like old times, eating pancakes and drinking coffee. Rory was smiling again, after all the tragedy in Paris she was better now, and she still didn't know why she had been in such a despicable state. Obviously, whenever she saw him, the feeling came back, but now she understood that things can't be forced, if they were meant to be, maybe in some uncertain future, they could be together. Rory was better now, looking for her own apartment near her mom's house, and looking for a job.

Jess came down stairs and talked to Luke in the kitchen, after a brief conversation he leaved without looking at her, he walked to the bus station and waited for one that took him to New York. It was time to do the right thing.

A/N: When I downloaded, "The real Paul anka", because here where I live, The WB is just a little bit retarded…so I haven't seen it on TV yet, I realized that my story has to be different from what I saw. I hate Logan and I think everyone who has a review from me, or is reading my story knows that. (I have to say that this chapter was written **before** I saw the episode so there's no change as a consequence of the episode) anyhow, I hope everyone is satisfied with this chapter but is not as good as I wanted though and I know it was a little slow, but the next one (probably the last one, meaning the end of the story) will be better.

Please! If you read this…leave a review.


	10. A Movie Script Ending

10. A Movie Script Ending

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore girls…

A/N: Thanks to everyone who ever reviewed the story and thanks so much for reading it

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The New York evening was passing slow and exhausting for Jess and Marissa, she looked tired and her eyes were swollen, blood-shot and fed up with all the tears that came rolling down her cheeks.

He went to the apartment with intentions of make things right between them or at least a little better but it turned the other way around. She started to complain about how things were now, and that they weren't the same as they used to, that he didn't love her.

Of course he responded to this immediately, yelling, he accused her of blowing things out of proportion, that she was overreacting.

She was tired of fighting this situation, she had spend days trying to convince herself that this might work, but it was too late. But he insisted, "Trust me…please I want to be with you" Marissa just laughed ironically, and got up from the couch she was sitting on, standing near him.

"How can I even trust you after all you've done?"

"I'm just asking you to give us a chance"

"I already did…I came here for you, remember? I moved to New York just because of you. Everyone said 'you're gonna get hurt' but I didn't listen" – she said passing around the small room

"Please…you know I regret _that_!"

"Regret is one thing, but erase it…can you erase it? From your soul, from your body?"

"Oh! Common! Don't start with that kind of crap"

"That leaves a mark, in here" – and she touched his chest softly –"you did that for some reason…you haven't told me why and at this point I'm not even interested"

"It was a mistake, I already told you that" – he said touching softly her arm

"You know what? I can see it in your eyes…you're not good at lying"

"What?"

"You love _her_…you really do"

"You have no idea what you're talking about"- he said and backed up a little

"Just go, ok? I'll come back to California, to Jake, maybe this time we'll work out"

"How can you say that? He's an ass-hole!"

"Funny…he thinks the same thing of you" – Marissa said and sit again on the couch

"Yeah? I least I don't fucking hit you"- he said bitterly

She stared at him blankly, she was speechless for a few minutes until she articulate a few incoherent words, she cleared her throat and spoke again

"Whe…when did you find out?" – She said timidly

"I saw the bruises…just after you broke up with him. In you arms, in your back, I saw them cause you wore a tank top that day…we went to the beach, you were so happy, you got rid of him and you were happy"

"Maybe he changed…"

"Do you really think some jerk that is capable of hitting a girl would ever change?"

"And what you want me to do? Huh? Is it better for me to stay with you and wait here while you're screwing with your ex-girlfriend in that stupid little town?"

"Hey! I tried to make things better here, and I'm not 'screwing' her"

"Whatever…I know you want to, isn't it the same?"

"No is not!"

"I know deep down in your heart you love her, don't try to deny it"

"I don't need her…I don't want her…" – Jess said insecure, trying to convince himself –" I need to move on…I can't stay stuck with her forever"

"Why not? Don't you love her enough"?

"Is not that…is just we're the same old story"

"Then change it, I know you can…and promise me that you'll tell her…you need to tell her that you love her"

"…I promise"

Jess stood there frozen by the comment that Marissa had just dropped in their conversation. That's why he liked her in the first place; she was so empathic, she always understood to other people. And now she wasn't the angry girlfriend anymore, she was just a friend giving him an advice.

"Don't come back with him…please, do it for yourself. You could move in with Sophie for a few days, or you can stay here all the time you need to…just don't go back there"

"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do…" – She looked down at her hands and a few more tears fell. She stood up and hugged him, he responded and embraced her, and she whispered a 'thank you', looked at his brown chocolate eyes one more time and leaved the apartment.

Jess was sleeping comfortable in his bed when his cell phone started to ring, he turned and answered with a grumpy voice. It was Marissa thanking him, again, for letting her stay at his apartment until she found a place for her. After a short talk, he got up and went to take a shower. A half hour later he was helping Luke in the dinner with the usual "Lunch rush", yeah, he woke up late.

He knew that in any minute Rory would come in through the door with her mother making fun of people, arguing about Ashlee Simpson and which color of hair matches better with her face, or just talking about the latest gossip in town, and that made him so nervous, almost to the edge of insanity.

Of course he didn't notice when the silently sat at a window table, it wasn't usual for the Gilmore girls to come in so quietly to any public space.

Lorelai looked to Rory and whispered…

"Rory, I don't know why you're so determinate to be away from him. You two love each other, you haven't realized that? – Lorelai said and lowered her head trying to get closer to Rory so nobody could hear their conversation

"Is so not the point…he already said he doesn't love me"

"That's before he broke up with Marissa" – Lorelai said in a normal voice now- "Isn't great that I'm Luke's girlfriend? Oh! All the benefits that I get"

"Luke told you that? Wow…I never thought Jess would tell him about his love life"

"He had to, Jess I living here while Marissa finds an apartment, she is moving out"

"Oh…wow I missed a lot while I was in Hartford, huh?" – Rory had been moving her things from Logan's apartment to her new apartment, it wasn't as big as Logan's, but it was enough for her and her books. But since she still didn't find a job, Christopher was paying the rent

"Sooo…what are you going to do now? Throw yourself to his arms?" – She said dramatically

"I don't know….hey! Why didn't you tell me this when we spoke on the phone? When I beg for you to help me move out"

Oh…I forgot"- she said with an evil face –"yeah, ok! I wanted to see your reaction…is so different in person"

"I guess I'll talk to him…but isn't it too desperate? I mean now that we're both single is not necessary to be together"

"Are you insane? I know you've waited for this to happened"

"Maybe is too soon"

"Hun, I can't say if it's too soon, you have to decide that"

Rory stared at Jess while he moved around the diner, placing plates in the customers table, and she felt like 17. But not in a bad way, she felt happy again and remembered those days that they had spent together.

A mid-fall rain fell from the dark sky, it was already night when she decided to go and speak with him. She walked unsure but quickly to the diner, she didn't want to get all wet. Luke was obviously with Lorelai at their house, Rory convince her to get Luke out of the apartment so she could talk freely with Jess, but obviously Lorelai put an 'Ew' face and said 'ok! I'll do it, but I don't want details of that!'

She knocked twice but there was no response so she used the hidden key, even though it made her remember that night when she thought for the first time not getting married. She went upstairs and when she got to the top she knocked once and heard noises and Jess appeared in front of her.

"Hi…I was wondering if-"

"Come in"

"Thanks. I didn't know if you were busy or something…" – She trailed off nervous

"Oh…don't worry I was just listening some music"- He said and looked at her –"Hey, you're soaking wet, do you need towels or clothes or something?"

"uh…wow I didn't notice…yeah…I'll just go in the bathroom"

They were both nervous, and the tension was tangible. The bed, the room, their presence was enough to make them remember the bad times but also the good ones. When she finally got out of the bathroom, he was sitting on the couch and she sit near him.

"Hi…again"

"Rory, why are you here?"- He said softly not trying to be mean

"I need to talk to you"

"Oh…well, what about?"

"Is just that…this is hard, you know? It might sound stupid, but I don't care anymore, Jess…" – the words slipped from her lips and that the last thing she said before kissing him. He kissed her back and deepened the kiss, but then he broke it abruptly and looked at her

"What? What's wrong?" – She asked worried

"Nothing…but are you sure about this?"

"Of course I am, I wouldn't have come here in the first place" – She said honestly

"I…I won't screw up this time, ok?" – Jess said and put a hand in the back of her neck

"I know you won't…I love you Jess" – Rory looked at his eyes, she truly meant it this time

"I love you too"

Now he lead her to his bed, once again, but this time everything was different. They're not lost anymore they found each other in the right time and place. All they needed was time and of course each other's love, and the only way he knew to prove it this was making one thing he hadn't done in a while, _love_, it might sound ridiculous but how could he describe something that is more than sex? He couldn't hold back the need for her, he needed her like air in his lungs, and he decided to not let her go this time.

**End**

A/N: Oh my god! I know that's so lame! I never meant to make it so lame but I'm short on inspiration, and I have some kind of fluke plus is late….ok, I really don't know why it turned out so weird, but at least I finished my first fan fiction! Yeah! Good for me! Ok, please leave a review if it sucked, if you loved it, I don't mind the reasons


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